plz check essay which is related to any point of terrorism

[asma mehvish]

these are introductory paragraph of my essay plz point out my mistakes



Terrorism is an organized system of intimidation to obtain political demands as well as self-interested objectives. It is systematic use of terror or unpredictable violence against government to attain the political purpose. It has been used to suppress slaves, peasants and minorities . Terrorists create sense of insecurity, fear and uncertainty among the masses to destabilize the foundation of the state. Terrorism is not modern activity in past strong people made to use of force to suppressed the weak for example In ancient Greece, the Dorian's occupied Sparta after defeating the local inhabitants, known as Helots, and forcing them to cultivate land so that the agricultural produce would benefit the conquerors. however with the passage of the time method and Tactics are adopted by terrorists have been changed and become more dangerous. Strategies of Terrorists are broadly categorized such as Bombings, Suicide attacks, Rocket and mortar attacks among them most horrible is target killing.sometimes the state uses terrorism to eradicate its opponents ,the best example of anti-establishment terrorism is Jacobin reaction to french monarchy during the french revolution. In order to protect the revolution from ‘anti’ forces the revolutionary government entrenched a committee for safety of public. The same strategy was adopted by Russia and China after their respective revolutions.Terrorizing the civilian population can never be termed as jihad and can never be reconciled with the teachings of Islam. In Quran Allah said "If anyone slew an innocent person it would be as if he slew the whole mankind and if anyone saved a life it would be as if he saved the life of the whole mankind" [Al-Qur’an 5:32] Islamic law forbids aggressive warfare. The Quran chapter “The Cow,” 2:190, says, “Fight in the way of God against those who fight against you, but begin not hostilities. Lo! God loveth not aggressors.” Hazrat Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, the first Caliph, gave these instructions to his armies: “I instruct you in ten matters: Do not kill women, children, the old, or the infirm; do not cut down fruit-bearing trees; do not destroy any town . . . ” (Malik’s Muwatta’, “Kitab al-Jihad.”)
the act of terrorism is not restricted or limited to special nation , people or groups. the entire world now facing the monster of terrorism which shaken the foundation of world badly but it faith of irony some anti-Muslims people use the Muslims for their unfair means and purposes and now they successfully the tagged the Muslims as terrorist. for example when colonial rule was coming to end , the Muslims waking up from deep slumber, they remember that they had their own glorious past so this self awareness become cause of many strong movement for the establishment of Islamic values again, that time nobody were not afraid to die because dying on Deen was big honour . USE realized power of Muslim as they can move the mountain or path of any river so they decided to use them . USE spend million on that mujaheddin ( present Taliban) and result was afghan war.

[Mudassir]

>>>>What is the title

Terrorism is an organized system of intimidation to obtain political demands as well as self-interested objectives. It is systematic use of terror or unpredictable violence against government to attain the political purpose

Utterly general and vague lines. Avoid starting introductory paragraph with such stereotypical ways that invoke but no admiration.

It has been used to suppress slaves, peasants and minorities .

The form of terrorism you are underscoring in this sentence exists centuries earlier was used to reduce the victims to a state of submission.

Remember, this is not the kind of terrorism we are fighting with.

Perhaps, you intended to give the background of terrorism; however, neither the way nor the style is suitable and appealing.

It has been used to suppress slaves, peasants and minorities . Terrorists create sense of insecurity, fear and uncertainty among the masses to destabilize the foundation of the state

Again a blunder! Think a little. When you say, 'Terrorism has been used to suppress slaves, peasants and minorities' you are actually referring to 'state-terrorism' that is not the case with your next sentence as the next sentence is about 'terrorism on the part of non-state actors'. You are not allowed to jump so comfortably from one form of terrorism to another. Whenever, you commit such a blunder, you will surely fall into the folly 'abrupt expression'- an expression that instills a strong aversion into its reader. Of course, you do not want your reader to be annoyed.

Terrorism is not modern activity

Rather you should write, 'Terrorism is not a modern phenomenon'. By regarding it as an activity you are limiting its meaning at the very first place.

In ancient Greece, the Dorian's occupied Sparta after defeating the local inhabitants, known as Helots, and forcing them to cultivate land so that the agricultural produce would benefit the conquerors. however with the passage of the time method and Tactics are adopted by terrorists have been changed and become more dangerous. Strategies of Terrorists are broadly categorized such as Bombings, Suicide attacks, Rocket and mortar attacks among them most horrible is target killing.

.

Now for a while concentrate on these lines.

Summarizing and analyzing these lines>>> , 'In ancient Greece,.......................would benefit the conquerors. However......more dangerous. Strategies of terrorists.........is target killing'.

Do these sentences make any sense. Of course not. There is no link and connection between these sentences. It feels as if you are jumping and bouncing erratically and unpredictably.

Also note that that bombing, suicide attacks, rocket and mortar attacks etc are not the terrorist strategies. Terrorists strategies are like intimidation, provocation etc.

Terrorizing the civilian population can never be termed as jihad and can never be reconciled with the teachings of Islam. In Quran Allah said "If anyone slew an innocent person it would be as if he slew the whole mankind and if anyone saved a life it would be as if he saved the life of the whole mankind" [Al-Qur’an 5:32] Islamic law forbids aggressive warfare. The Quran chapter “The Cow,” 2:190, says, “Fight in the way of God against those who fight against you, but begin not hostilities. Lo! God loveth not aggressors.” Hazrat Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, the first Caliph, gave these instructions to his armies: “I instruct you in ten matters: Do not kill women, children, the old, or the infirm; do not cut down fruit-bearing trees; do not destroy any town . . . ” (Malik’s Muwatta’, “Kitab al-Jihad.”)

Introduction is brief and comprehensive enough to accommodate so much sentences on an single exclusive argument that can, otherwise, be summed up one sentence.

the act of terrorism is not restricted or limited to special nation , people or groups

Not 'special' instead use specific. e.g specific group not special group. particular is also advisable.

>>> Always consult thesaurus while writing...

the entire world now facing the monster of terrorism which shaken the foundation of world

The entire world is now facing the monster of terrorism that has shaken the very foundations of the world.

faith of irony

>>>Faith of irony????

some anti-Muslims people use the Muslims for their unfair means and purposes

>>>>> ??????????? Don't sacrifice your expression

the Muslims waking up from deep slumber, they remember that they had their own glorious past so this self awareness become cause of many strong movement for the establishment of Islamic values again, that time nobody were not afraid to die because dying on Deen was big honour . USE realized power of Muslim as they can move the mountain or path of any river so they decided to use them . USE spend million on that mujaheddin ( present Taliban) and result was afghan war.

>>>>>>>Irrelevant citation.....


>>>>>Always be relevant
>>>>>There is utter lack of coherence
>>>>>use simple and direct words
>>>>>etc., etc., etc.......


Throughout my analysis, I didn't mean to discourage you. You deserve to be credited for inclining to tempt your hand for writing.

Continue on and never stop.

[asma mehvish]

>>>>What is the title




Utterly general and vague lines. Avoid starting introductory paragraph with such stereotypical ways that invoke but no admiration.

The form of terrorism you are underscoring in this sentence exists centuries earlier was used to reduce the victims to a state of submission.

Remember, this is not the kind of terrorism we are fighting with.

Perhaps, you intended to give the background of terrorism; however, neither the way nor the style is suitable and appealing.



Again a blunder! Think a little. When you say, 'Terrorism has been used to suppress slaves, peasants and minorities' you are actually referring to 'state-terrorism' that is not the case with your next sentence as the next sentence is about 'terrorism on the part of non-state actors'. You are not allowed to jump so comfortably from one form of terrorism to another. Whenever, you commit such a blunder, you will surely fall into the folly 'abrupt expression'- an expression that instills a strong aversion into its reader. Of course, you do not want your reader to be annoyed.




Rather you should write, 'Terrorism is not a modern phenomenon'. By regarding it as an activity you are limiting its meaning at the very first place.


.

Now for a while concentrate on these lines.

Summarizing and analyzing these lines>>> , 'In ancient Greece,.......................would benefit the conquerors. However......more dangerous. Strategies of terrorists.........is target killing'.

Do these sentences make any sense. Of course not. There is no link and connection between these sentences. It feels as if you are jumping and bouncing erratically and unpredictably.

Also note that that bombing, suicide attacks, rocket and mortar attacks etc are not the terrorist strategies. Terrorists strategies are like intimidation, provocation etc.




Introduction is brief and comprehensive enough to accommodate so much sentences on an single exclusive argument that can, otherwise, be summed up one sentence.




Not 'special' instead use specific. e.g specific group not special group. particular is also advisable.

>>> Always consult thesaurus while writing...




The entire world is now facing the monster of terrorism that has shaken the very foundations of the world.



>>>Faith of irony????



>>>>> ??????????? Don't sacrifice your expression



>>>>>>>Irrelevant citation.....


>>>>>Always be relevant
>>>>>There is utter lack of coherence
>>>>>use simple and direct words
>>>>>etc., etc., etc.......


Throughout my analysis, I didn't mean to discourage you. You deserve to be credited for inclining to tempt your hand for writing.

Continue on and never stop.

first of all thank you so much for analysis of my essay in detail. i know i am weak in arranging my thoughts in the essay . i have started this threat for enhancement of my writing ability of English essay. i can,t join any academy due to my personal problem and css is matter of die or do for me and source for preparation of examination is only internet. so now you have analyze my entire paragraph so i humbly request you please guide me how i start my essay on this topic in effective way

[dragon]

Exactly......Coherence is completely lacking in the paragraph.

[Mudassir]

Prefer to start your introductory paragraph with;


1. Quote
2. Sacred Text e.g verse
3. Poetry
4. Short story (however obsolete now)
5. Fact (most common and easiest way to start with)


Spend a substantial part of your time in studying on this topic. Learn relevant jargon, terms, and definitions along with exploring different aspects and dimension.


So read, read and read.


While writing always pay heed to the basic rules of grammar. If you consider yourself weak in vocab as I also did observe, you must consult a grammar book; High School English Grammar and Composition by Wren and Martin is more than enough.


In the start, practicing short essays is preferable and convenient too.


While practicing essay, try to follow CSS pattern




You must assign a considerable part of your time on daily basis for practicing essay as getting through the essay paper in CSS examination is perhaps the toughest of all tasks.


Sentences should be short, simple and direct. Such type of sentences are more appealing and powerful.








Qualifying for CSS does not require one to enroll in an academy or elsewhere. However, it is essential to acquire an appreciable level of know-how of CSS.
You must try to seek guidance from someone preferably whose fluency in CSS is sizeable and meaningful.

[asma mehvish]

thank you so much. next time i will write according to your guidance. i will paste my work on this page .

[Mudassir]

Always welcome. In fact little contribution on my part or anyone else side very often holds a lot of value for others.

We all should try to help others as much as possible.

Someone rightly said, "Little by Little A Little Becomes A Lot"

[asma mehvish]

Always welcome. In fact little contribution on my part or anyone else side very often holds a lot of value for others.

We all should try to help others as much as possible.

Someone rightly said, "Little by Little A Little Becomes A Lot"

yes you right actually due to Ramadan i facing very difficulty in my work with Ramadan i too was not well and admitted in hospital now i much better and trying to start my preparation again now i will paste my work soon sorry for late

[Sandila]

yes you right actually due to Ramadan i facing very difficulty in my work with Ramadan i too was not well and admitted in hospital now i much better and trying to start my preparation again now i will paste my work soon sorry for late

Ramadan is over and hope that you will be all fine now. Just don't stop writing. I was in a same situation some few months ago. After getting better, however, I did not start up on writing immediately. Time went on and after more than one and half month I did realize that I had wasted much of my time. Then Ramadan timing was too critical but I somehow managed to work on IR and Current Affairs. Now I'm also taking up firmly on the task of writing essay.

Situations come and go but we should be resolute about commitments.

[Yousaf Marri]

Prefer to start your introductory paragraph with;


1. Quote
2. Sacred Text e.g verse
3. Poetry
4. Short story (however obsolete now)
5. Fact (most common and easiest way to start with)


Spend a substantial part of your time in studying on this topic. Learn relevant jargon, terms, and definitions along with exploring different aspects and dimension.


So read, read and read.


While writing always pay heed to the basic rules of grammar. If you consider yourself weak in vocab as I also did observe, you must consult a grammar book; High School English Grammar and Composition by Wren and Martin is more than enough.


In the start, practicing short essays is preferable and convenient too.


While practicing essay, try to follow CSS pattern




You must assign a considerable part of your time on daily basis for practicing essay as getting through the essay paper in CSS examination is perhaps the toughest of all tasks.


Sentences should be short, simple and direct. Such type of sentences are more appealing and powerful.








Qualifying for CSS does not require one to enroll in an academy or elsewhere. However, it is essential to acquire an appreciable level of know-how of CSS.
You must try to seek guidance from someone preferably whose fluency in CSS is sizeable and meaningful.

Could you, please, elaborate how an essay be ever started with quotes, sacred texts and poetry. Considering the diversity of the topics in the CSS exams and their unpredictability, is it possible to go for that strategies. Don't you feel that quoting an authority at the very beginning very badly erodes the genuineness of the essay which is required of a CSS aspirant. Apart from it, the citation of quotes and verses is always risky, for a bad citation ultimately boomerangs. Looking for you valuable suggestions!!