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Thread: check my essay

  1. #1

    check my essay

    Kindly someone check my essay

    Is national identity still relevant in the time of Globalization?

    Globalization is a modern concept that emerged in the last decade of 20th century. It facilitated interconnectedness between different nations for the sake of capital investment, technology transfer, marketing of finished products and a host of other things. With the advent of cellular phones, social media and ultra-fast internet, this interconnectedness trickled down to the level of personal relations between different nationalities. But still national identity and patriotism run thick in our veins as is evident from soaring popularity of ongoing FIFA world cup. Despite of strained finances, elevated ticket prices and pressing inflation due to clashes in the middle-east regions, high fan-turnout in support of their home countries can be observed. Although we cannot justify that as an act of nationalism, yet it motivates the players and proves that national identity and patriotism are alive and growing in these times of globalization.
    Liberalization means becoming liberal or relaxing the previously laid-down government rules or restrictions to promote free trade. This mainly involves exchange of goods between the nations i.e. export and import. Privatization as the word indicates refers to the transferring of ownership from publicly owned (government sector) companies to privately owned companies. This is indeed a very healthy approach relating to the economy of the country. Ever since the 1990s, a lot of privately owned companies have come up very successfully with a lot of employment opportunities. In recent economic times when our main concern is on how to transform ourselves from the "developing" stage to the "developed" stage, national identity and patriotism has definitely got a huge role to play. When we talk of exporting goods from Pakistan to a foreign market, we try to ensure that they are of supreme quality so that the foreign companies may regard our products in higher esteem and consequently build a long lasting trust. This will automatically lead to an increase in the cash flow thereby improving the revenue conditions enhancing our economy.
    Perceptions about Effects of Globalization are mixed. Some consider Globalization as a threat to national integrity. To them, it dilutes culture patterns due to the immigration of people from different parts of the world. Increased exploitation of regional and cultural feelings further fuel these sentiments.
    In corners, where it is taken positively, it is largely because it has accelerated the modernization of the thoughts. It has splendidly contributed to the advancement of technology due to the sharing of ideas among different countries. There is also no denying of the fact that it has improved trade, business, and, import and export facilities. Moreover, role of enhancing nationalism cannot be undermined as it has and is contributing towards the national movements among the people that are subjected to the influence of foreign countries.
    Nationalism is in itself an international virtue too. Whichever country a person may belong to, he always feels a strong attachment to his motherland. Even a non-residential Pakistani must have cheered for Pakistan in WORLDCUP CRICKET 2015 and must have felt the same last minute tension which we felt sitting in our homes in some part of Pakistan.
    Without a feeling of patriotism, we will not dedicate ourselves to our country, which will kill our competitive spirit and survival instinct. Darwin espoused the idea of "survival of the fittest". Today it is not about muscle power but about intellect, dedication, hard work and motivation. One of the main problems in Pakistan is its continuous inability to retain its best brains. Although they groom in our country using public money and best resources, they move to foreign nations in search of greener pastures. This brain drain holds some of its causes in the lack of patriotism.
    Globalization has affected social as well as cultural decisions. It is, in fact, the high time for us to realize our national identity and patriotism. We can display our love for our country in numerous ways pertaining to globalization. Pakistani handicrafts, handlooms, textiles, tea, coffee, jute, sugar among others are of utmost quality. If these things are presented in the most possible beautiful manner then who is going to stop us from leading the world economy? These examples cited above will help grow our primary sector tremendously. Raw materials as well as finished goods of iron, steel, crude oil, aluminum and other minerals when exported will undoubtedly improve our economy. There are so many other things unexplored which are indigenous to our territory. If they are exploited to the fairest extremes and presented to the international market, would it not be an actual act of patriotism?
    There is an increasing trend among the billionaires that they are inclined to secure citizenship of foreign countries and send, save or invest their money in those countries. Though they are increasing their family coffers, however, in a sense, they are betraying their own country. When they shift business focus to some other country, they take away jobs, technology and investment from their home country. This adversely affects employment and financial health of the country concerned. This is one of the adverse effects of globalization.
    National identity and Patriotism are indeed subtle terms and need to be handled very carefully. But combining such intangible terms with international scenario can actually help succumb to the adverse poverty and hunger conditions in some way or the other. Most importantly such international framework affects the youth of the country that are the young blood and deserve not to be befooled with faulty policy issues. Once, there was a time, in 1960s and little after, when we were vigorously competing with the leading world economies such as US, UK, Japan, etc. But there came a turning point when flawed policies plunged the country into unending crisis. The downward trend that was thus set never came to a halt. But if we want to revamp our country, we really need to dig up the spirits of nationalism and patriotism.

  2. #2
    It's indeed a good piece of writing. You really did a great job by attempting such an essay.
    However, I noted some flaws. If you remove them, it could become much better.
    The end of your introductory passage is no doubt good. But, more appropriately, the passage should end on thesis statement. You tried to relate last line of introductory passage to that of the title, but still it does not fulfill the criteria. I think you should articulate it in line with the criteria of thesis statement.

    Moreover, your essay squared around economical spectrum only. You should widen your approach. Examples should be included in such an essay from political and social domains also.


    There is an increasing trend among the billionaires that they are inclined to secure citizenship of foreign countries and send, save or invest their money in those countries. Though they are increasing their family coffers, however, in a sense, they are betraying their own country.
    Euphemism is all but neglected in these lines. You lines should reflect your disposition as completely peaceful.

  3. #3
    Really Good work.

  4. #4
    Thanks for you precious guidance. Your suggestions are really helpful. I do feel that my essay should be altered in line with your suggestions.

    Euphemism is all but neglected in these lines. You lines should reflect your disposition as completely peaceful.
    You are right. I really got a bit emotional while writing these lines.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Posts
    148
    Globalization is a modern concept that emerged in the last decade of 20th century. It facilitated interconnectedness between different nations for the sake of capital investment, technology transfer, marketing of finished products and a host of other things. With the advent of cellular phones, social media and ultra-fast internet, this interconnectedness trickled down to the level of personal relations between different nationalities.
    Although sentence structure is good, yet these lines are not impressive ones. It idea that emerged from the above quoted lines shows that you are defining 'globalization' rather than elaborating the essay title 'Is national identity still relevant in the time of Globalization'.

    You ought to be relevant to the essay title.

    Prefer to start with;

    1. Quote
    2. Sacred Text e.g verse
    3. Poetry
    4. Short story (however obsolete now)
    5. Fact (most common and easiest way to start with)

    In the whole essay, you did not clarify whether national identity is still relevant or not? And if it is, then how? and if not then why?

    It feels as if you are saying that nationalism and patriotism have successfully resisted the onslaught of globalisation and managed to exist side by side with the latter; This theme, however, is still not reflective of your subject matter.

    However, a good try.
    "A JOURNEY OF A THOUSAND MILES BEGINS WITH A SINGLE STEP"

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Sandila View Post
    Kindly someone check my essay

    Is national identity still relevant in the time of Globalization?

    Globalization is a modern concept that emerged in the last decade of 20th century. It facilitated interconnectedness between different nations for the sake of capital investment, technology transfer, marketing of finished products and a host of other things. With the advent of cellular phones, social media and ultra-fast internet, this interconnectedness trickled down to the level of personal relations between different nationalities. But still national identity and patriotism run thick in our veins as is evident from soaring popularity of ongoing FIFA world cup. Despite of strained finances, elevated ticket prices and pressing inflation due to clashes in the middle-east regions, high fan-turnout in support of their home countries can be observed. Although we cannot justify that as an act of nationalism, yet it motivates the players and proves that national identity and patriotism are alive and growing in these times of globalization.
    Liberalization means becoming liberal or relaxing the previously laid-down government rules or restrictions to promote free trade. This mainly involves exchange of goods between the nations i.e. export and import. Privatization as the word indicates refers to the transferring of ownership from publicly owned (government sector) companies to privately owned companies. This is indeed a very healthy approach relating to the economy of the country. Ever since the 1990s, a lot of privately owned companies have come up very successfully with a lot of employment opportunities. In recent economic times when our main concern is on how to transform ourselves from the "developing" stage to the "developed" stage, national identity and patriotism has definitely got a huge role to play. When we talk of exporting goods from Pakistan to a foreign market, we try to ensure that they are of supreme quality so that the foreign companies may regard our products in higher esteem and consequently build a long lasting trust. This will automatically lead to an increase in the cash flow thereby improving the revenue conditions enhancing our economy.
    Perceptions about Effects of Globalization are mixed. Some consider Globalization as a threat to national integrity. To them, it dilutes culture patterns due to the immigration of people from different parts of the world. Increased exploitation of regional and cultural feelings further fuel these sentiments.
    In corners, where it is taken positively, it is largely because it has accelerated the modernization of the thoughts. It has splendidly contributed to the advancement of technology due to the sharing of ideas among different countries. There is also no denying of the fact that it has improved trade, business, and, import and export facilities. Moreover, role of enhancing nationalism cannot be undermined as it has and is contributing towards the national movements among the people that are subjected to the influence of foreign countries.
    Nationalism is in itself an international virtue too. Whichever country a person may belong to, he always feels a strong attachment to his motherland. Even a non-residential Pakistani must have cheered for Pakistan in WORLDCUP CRICKET 2015 and must have felt the same last minute tension which we felt sitting in our homes in some part of Pakistan.
    Without a feeling of patriotism, we will not dedicate ourselves to our country, which will kill our competitive spirit and survival instinct. Darwin espoused the idea of "survival of the fittest". Today it is not about muscle power but about intellect, dedication, hard work and motivation. One of the main problems in Pakistan is its continuous inability to retain its best brains. Although they groom in our country using public money and best resources, they move to foreign nations in search of greener pastures. This brain drain holds some of its causes in the lack of patriotism.
    Globalization has affected social as well as cultural decisions. It is, in fact, the high time for us to realize our national identity and patriotism. We can display our love for our country in numerous ways pertaining to globalization. Pakistani handicrafts, handlooms, textiles, tea, coffee, jute, sugar among others are of utmost quality. If these things are presented in the most possible beautiful manner then who is going to stop us from leading the world economy? These examples cited above will help grow our primary sector tremendously. Raw materials as well as finished goods of iron, steel, crude oil, aluminum and other minerals when exported will undoubtedly improve our economy. There are so many other things unexplored which are indigenous to our territory. If they are exploited to the fairest extremes and presented to the international market, would it not be an actual act of patriotism?
    There is an increasing trend among the billionaires that they are inclined to secure citizenship of foreign countries and send, save or invest their money in those countries. Though they are increasing their family coffers, however, in a sense, they are betraying their own country. When they shift business focus to some other country, they take away jobs, technology and investment from their home country. This adversely affects employment and financial health of the country concerned. This is one of the adverse effects of globalization.
    National identity and Patriotism are indeed subtle terms and need to be handled very carefully. But combining such intangible terms with international scenario can actually help succumb to the adverse poverty and hunger conditions in some way or the other. Most importantly such international framework affects the youth of the country that are the young blood and deserve not to be befooled with faulty policy issues. Once, there was a time, in 1960s and little after, when we were vigorously competing with the leading world economies such as US, UK, Japan, etc. But there came a turning point when flawed policies plunged the country into unending crisis. The downward trend that was thus set never came to a halt. But if we want to revamp our country, we really need to dig up the spirits of nationalism and patriotism.
    Apart from some relevant flaws alluded to by @Mudassir, there are, in addition, some grammatical flaws in your essay. You need to cover them up.
    a)..Despite of strained finances,.... It must be "Despite strained finances".
    b)..Although we cannot justify that as an act of nationalism, yet it motivates the players and proves that national identity and patriotism are alive and growing in these times of globalization... Crucial structural flaws in this sentence apart from the fact that it is giving no sense..
    c)..it has and is contributing towards the national movements among the people that are subjected to the influence of foreign countries.... The correct version is 'It has contributed and is contributing......'

  7. #7
    a)..Despite of strained finances,.... It must be "Despite strained finances".
    b)..Although we cannot justify that as an act of nationalism, yet it motivates the players and proves that national identity and patriotism are alive and growing in these times of globalization... Crucial structural flaws in this sentence apart from the fact that it is giving no sense..
    c)..it has and is contributing towards the national movements among the people that are subjected to the influence of foreign countries.... The correct version is 'It has contributed and is contributing......'
    Thank you for giving an insight on my essay. Since the day I wrote the above shared essay, I had practiced much on English essay and felt many improvements in my expression and arranging ideas. Your suggestions are of much value to me as it will assist me in better learning.

  8. #8
    Administrator
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
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    431
    not bad overall

 

 

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